Too Long

its been way too long since I’ve written.  I’ve never been good about blogging. I got engaged, interviewed for a job and a million other things.  I don’t have said job – yet.  Still engaged – and overwhelmed.  And hating, hating, hating my body.  Which goes against what I had hoped to accomplish this year.

I was hoping I had hit that age where I got more comfortable in my skin and was happier with myself.  Instead I dread look at wedding dresses or taking pictures. And its a downer.

In real like I have nothing to complain about – so I will stop there.

But – update on one of my “30” projects, I did not submit my writing piece in time.  And that just adds to my disappointment in myself.

Not on the list

So something that was NOT on my list for 30 was getting engaged.  Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t want to count any chickens if you will.

But I’m engaged! I’m a fiance! And soon (a year?) a Mrs. Which is totally weird.

Anywho.  In my “30 List” my strawberries have sprouted.  Four total – two are actually red and look edible.

But that is my engagement post.  I don’t think I will be boring everyone with the wedding planning, instead I hope to continue to bore you with my list of things I want to do this year (of 30).

Speaking of the “list” I had a great conversation with a family friend about starting my little business.  It was very inspirational and she made a great point (which I think applies to life in general):  don’t  judge yourself too harshly, as long as you are moving forward you are succeeding.

I need to remember that as I get my work life sorted and hopefully my business sorted soon.

Whew!

Its been a week of craziness.  The wedding season has started so two parties so far, a few more down the line and of course THE BACHELORETTE PARTY!  While all of these are fun events, its exhausting and expensive.  This past weekend has been nice and quieter, though I’m not at home which always makes for slightly more exhausting weekend.  But its been a great, and emotional weekend, full of food and family. 

Celebrating my mom’s birthday is always fun, dunkin donuts and later in the day her favorite Italian restaurant.  It was nice, but sad.  I love reminiscing about her, but it always stirs up the emotions.  But its our way of celebrating and remembering her. 

We met up with some of my mom’s friends the next day and it was great.  They are so supportive, although incredulous that I’m 30, and that m sister is pregnant.  Seeing the old group, and the older pictures – wow!  Time flies. 

I guess I’m starting to feel that tick of the clock more.  I can’t believe I’m 30 – not because its old, but because I feel more how limited the time is.  And so much to do!  So I’m still working on my list.  Finishing my first writing piece for submission, and taking the first steps towards bringing my favorite charity to my new city.  So chuggin’ along.  And hopefull will get a permanent job somewhere in that mix 🙂

If nothing else so I can buy a better present for my neice who will be here in August.  Only the best for Maddie Pattie.

One Step Forward…

I had a good week.  Busy at work, but not too busy.  Got a lot done around the house.  Ate well but didn’t exercise at all.  I thought that was the first step to towards that whole instinctual eating thing.  Alas, a trip home, a bridal shower – a few ham biscuits and peach sangria later – and I’ve probably put a couple pounds back on.

I know its now time to get back to my gym habit.  Start training for the triathalon.  And most of all start working on my list of things for 30.  Entering a memoir contest is next up.

My lettuce died, but the tomatoes are sprouting and the herbs are holding steady.  So you know, not all was lost on that challenge.   And I’m proud of what I have been able to keep alive, which is really the end goal.  Do these things outside my comfort zone or world of knowledge and succeed, even a little bit.   So I’m proud, a seed is growing.  I’ve written a short memoir story, and soon my tri-training begins!!

Win – Win Weekend

So not only was the weather amazing this weekend, but I was feeling amazingly inspired.  So in relaxing, lazy days I decided to make homemade pita bread, which was amazing.  And then I made an wonderful Morroccan meatball tagine, that just delightful!

The sad news is I have lost the lettuce.  Its been too hot, I couldn’t do anything to save it.  So sad.  The tomatoes are still sprouting, so I hope I can not kill the rest of my plants and maybe even grow something.

The next challenge on my “30” list is writing.  Doing more of it, and not this one off blogging.  More memoir writing.  So I will be entering a contest by the end of this month.  We’ll see how that goes.

Fail: Retail Therapy Gone Wrong

I decided I needed retail therapy and new clothes tonight after leaving work.  Except retail therapy is supposed to make one feel better.  Not so in my case.  When trying on clothes that are tight or unflattering – it makes the experience depressing.  And then its just a vicious cycle.  So, I have some new cute clothes – to accommodate the new not-so-cute-pounds.

I did make a decent dinner though instead of eat some sorrows away.  Spaghetti squash carbonara.  Think about it – all the yum- less of the calories.

Win: Tomatoes

So one of my Challenge 30 tasks was planting, gardening, green thumbing – whatever you want to call it.  And while my lettuce is flagging , and the spinach is soldiering on, the herbs look healthy and the strawberries are surviving – my proudest moment was this afternoon when I saw four green leaves sprout from the tomato seeds I planted a few weeks ago.  All the other plants I bought already sprouted.  The tomatoes – I planted.  I gambled.  And as of right now – they are sprouting! Sort of victory!

I didn’t kill them!  I haven’t yet killed the other plants.  This fact alone makes me happy.  Pathetic?  Perhaps.  But I take what I can get when it comes to gardening.  I can’t be perfect my first year – but so help me God, I can be adequate.

Fail: Margaritas

Rookie mistake.  Certainly not my wise 30 year old self behavior.

First grilling day of the season, we go over to our friends house and after two margaritas I’m sleeping.  Literally asleep in their bed.  I don’t know how that happened exactly.  It was most likely a combination of heat, light lunch, insanely strong margaritas and exhaustion from a long work week.

But it happened.  I never even got to the fajitas.  You’d think I would have learned this lesson in the past – oh – 9 years.  That night put a damper on the entire weekend.  Starting with missing Friday night, being hungover Saturday for most of the day, then ravenous all Saturday night.  I approximate that Friday’s little episode cost me at least a pound in 7 layer dip and chocolate cake on Saturday.

I think the worst part is that it was another weekend where my plans were derailed.  My plans to do a long run.  Get in all my fruits and veggies AND some whole grains.  Weekends are my weakness.  My mini-vacations.  And I treat them as such.

I wonder if I could actually treat a weekend as what it is.  A pleasant break that gives me the opportunity to cook yummy food, and relax.  Not a 2 day pass to binge on unhealthy food and laziness.

Ahhh – when will I learn?

Project: Self-Image

Another one of the 30 million things I’m working on this year is my self-image.  Frankly its piss poor.  I have moments of “hell yeah I look hot!” but those are few and far between.

A great example is last weekends 10k.  I pulled my achilles on the third mile, and limped/jogged/walked the last three.  I “sprinted” across the finish line and went straight into a limp.  My boyfriend caught the dramatic finish on video – and the only thing I could think of after watching it was how much of a cow I looked like.

I mean really. I just finished 6 miles.  Burned 600 calories.  My longest race to date.  And all I saw was my belly jiggle over the finish line.  Pathetic.

So I’m not sure how I’m going to go about this challenge.  But its vital.  I’m too old for this crap.  I’m smart, successful, loved, happy and in my opinion creative – but all I see is my belly!!

So, I am going to try to balance my criticisms with praise.  Take a step back and remember what is really important to me. Its going to be hard – but hopefully this blog will keep me more accountable.

Project – Green Thumb

So I haven’t prepared a proper list of all the challenges, resolutions, risks I want to take in this “Year 30”, gardening has been on my wish list for life.  I have never been able to grow anything.  Everything pretty much dies within a week or two.

So a few weeks ago – it was beautiful spring day in Northern Virginia and I was visiting my family.  And my dad, who is a pretty green thumb was talking about what he was planting for the coming year.  And I got a bee in my bonnet and we went to a garden store where I proceeded to spend entirely too much money on a hobby I was even good at.

But here I am with tomato, pepper and tomato seeds, a strawberry plant, basil, thyme, rosemary, spinach and lettuce.  Two weeks later I have successfully transplanted the plants that were already blooming, and started a few of the tomato seeds.  We’ll see how this all works out.

But it’s now on the list of challenges for this year.  The list of things I’ve always wanted to do but never done.  The list of things I’m terrified of failing at (hello triathlon!). The list of things that I hope will make me a better person and help me lead the life I’ve been imagining throughout my 20’s.